Day Twentythree: The Answer

The following is a conversation that took place between myself and Kris earlier today...

Kris: You know what you should write about today?

Angela: what?

Kris: I don't know, I was just asking XD

Angela: oh... I thought you had a suggestion

Kris: Nope

Angela: maybe you should work on asking things more questiony and less statementy

Kris: What, I was asking a questionable question.

Angela: yes, but it was questionable that it was a question

Kris: I disagree.  It was obvious that it was a question.  It was simply questionable what the question was questioning.

Angela: but usually that question is a leading question that leads to an answer which you provide

Kris: Write about confusion 

But do it confusingly?

Angela: your confused 

I understood perfectly what you should have been saying

Am I the only one who would have assumed she had an answer?  Because I really got my hopes up that she was going to solve all my worldly problems.  I know she only heavily implied that she had a topic for me to write about today but behind that promise was also an implication that she knew all the secrets of the universe.  I'm starting to believe that she does not.  In fact, I'm starting to think that she'll never give me everything I need to complete the living of my life. 

So, this is what I learned today: Kris does not have all the answers, but if you argue with her long enough, she'll give you something interesting to talk about for a few minutes.  I also learned that if you copy paste text, it won't highlight correctly and you'll spend about 10 minutes trying to make it work when you could have just typed it all out by hand in that time. Also if you make someone's text red, it makes them look sinister. 

Angela

Day Twentytwo: ♥ Cats

Rosey seen here after playing her tour in Nashville

I'd like to introduce you to my baby, aka Rosey.  Rosey was my faithful companion for years starting when I was about 3 years old until I was 20.  I believe it is partly because of her that I am what is known as a "cat person" although I'm fairly certain that cat people are born, not made. 

Rosey and I went through some pretty crazy times together.  She was always there for me whenever I was sad or lonely and I was always there for her when she was wandering around the yard and I would stalk her to see where she was going.  She always knew that I was there, and would often stop what she was doing to turn around and say hi to me.  She was the sweetest cat in the whole world.  I assure you I am being completely unbiased.  I'm certain that if we came up with a scientific measure for sweetness, she would pass every cat on the planet by a mile.  Unfortunately, no such measurement system exists, so you'll just have to take my word for it. 

It's been almost 4 years since my baby died.  Since then, I have discovered that cats are like crack to me.  Whenever I see one, I have a mini over excitement heart attack.  Their cuteness fills my soul with joy.  It's even better than pluffy joy, which I know I said yesterday was the greatest joy in the world, but I lied.  Kitty joy is the best joy in the world. 

Angela

Day Twentyone: Pluffy

There is a substance, pliable in nature and very lightweight.  It is called "Pluffy".  Not only is it amazingly fun to say, but it is also extremely entertaining to play with pluffy.

Pluffy came into my life earlier today when John brought home a bag from Michaels.  Inside was pluffy and a few wooden rods for his model making.  He used pluffy to cover his white roundish dome that he's putting on his model for a class he's taking.  Since pluffy is so amazingly flexible, he had to bake pluffy to harden it and keep it from sliding off the top of the dome.

However, I have discovered that the true purpose for pluffy is not in academic aid, but to provide people (specifically me) with hours of pluffy related happiness.  I managed to obtain this piece of pluffy (pictured in ball form below) for just this purpose.  It is currently fulfilling its true life purpose of filling me with pluffy joy. 

Pluffy

It is my hope that others will soon understand the joy of pluffy.  Pluffy joy is the greatest joy in ALL THE WORLD!  But OUT of this world, the best joy is black hole joy.  That's the kind of joy where you get squeezed to death by a dead star.  There's nothing like it. 

Angela

Day Twenty: Mario

I've become somewhat addicted lately to a short Italian man in a blue jumpsuit.  He has his own world.  He rides around on a tiny dinosaur that eats things. 

Notice how Yoshi greedily sizes up his enemy... er, lunch

I downloaded a program not too long ago that allows me to play Super NES games on my computer.  This program has been the equivalent of 32 bit crack.  I am currently residing in the "Forest of Illusion" on Super Mario World. 

Although very addicting, I have professed many times to John that I "hate this stupid game".  It can be frustrating at times when I can't get past certain parts of the game.  This is probably the first time in our relationship that John has heard me curse this much.  I am a very vocal video game player.  My only regret is that I don't have a controller to throw at a TV during a particularly heartbreaking loss.  Instead, my computer must suffer my wrath.  This laptop has been very good to me; it doesn't deserve that kind of treatment. 

I'd like to thank Kris for the suggestion to write about Mario.  She encouraged me to write, I expressed my desire to play, and she told me to write about it.  I then proceeded to play for another hour before I started writing.  So, it took me a while to pull myself away, but I consider that a win. 

Angela

Day Nineteen: Famous

Lately I've started to feel a little bit famous.  I mentioned this to Beat a few days ago and I had wanted to quote our conversation, but I came to find out that my chat logging is turned off so that conversation is lost.  So instead, here is my biased recollection of what exactly was approximately said....

Me: I feel famous

Beat: You should

Me: I don't think I can handle that responsibility

Beat: YOU CAN AND YOU WILL

Me: Don't famous people have to know everything?

Beat: Only if you're in U2 or Green Day.  Even then you only have to think you know everything.  

Me: I guess I can do that.  I have lots of fake knowledge. 

I feel famous every time someone new tells me they read my blog.  I mean, they're all people that I know but I just feel this sense of responsibility when I think about who's going to be reading it.  I always think of people who write as being experts or someone who has something unique to say to the world.  It makes me wonder if I really have something new to offer or maybe I have a unique way of saying old things. 

When I was younger, probably early high-school, I wanted to be a writer but this was before I had many experiences or practice so I thought I wasn't very good at it.  I put writing aside as a hobby and began my search for a more practical career.  I guess I felt like I would never have the talent to write things that anyone would pay attention to. 

I realize now that I could be a writer.  All I really need to do is practice.  I've had a lot of interesting experiences in my life.  I've gone through, and continue going through, a journey of self-discovery.  I think that makes me qualified. 

So here's to feeling warm and fuzzy.... and famous. 

Angela

Day Eighteen: Title

The name of my blog "Prone to Wander" comes from a Hymn called "Come thou Fount".  This links to the full lyrics and an audio loop of the melody. 

I heard this song in chapel while attending Greenville and for the rest of the year I would get this one small section of the song stuck in my head, "Prone to wander, Lord, I feel it, Prone to leave the God I love"  I could never remember the first part of the song or even how the melody went.  It took me quite a while to figure out what song it was from.  Since then, it has become one of my favorite songs and I thought it was an appropriate expression of my wandering mind. 

Hymns have always been a powerful tool for me.  There was a point in my life when I started to realize that almost all of the Catholic Hymns I loved growing up were almost word for word taken out of the bible.  I discovered during a bible study that I knew Matthew 11:28-30 by heart because someone had put it to music.  Often times its hard for me to remember or even care about whats written in the bible but hymns always have a way of speaking to me on a deeper level.  Music has a way of moving one's emotions. 

So this title is something that, I think, expresses me fully.  It not only labels me as someone who is prone to wander, but it speaks to my love of music and singing.  Also, this being an older hymn, it speaks to my respect for tradition. 

And that is why I picked it. 

Angela

Day Seventeen: Angela California

This is a picture of the name tag I made for myself during my second year at Sequoia.  Since the majority of workers at Lodgepole were from out of state and out of country, Kathleen had decided to put everyone's place of origin on their name tag. 

It became somewhat of a point of annoyance for us, especially for those who lived out of the country.  Sometimes because people weren't familiar with a country such as Slovakia or Kazakhstan and insisted on grilling the foreign student on their geography, language, and school situation.  Other times, people would mistake the country for a last name and wonder if everyone with Ukraine on their name tag were brothers and sisters. 

This was a little less common for those of us with states under our name, but I still got asked a few times during the summer if California was my last name.  One time someone even remarked what a coincidence it was that my last name was California seeing as how we were in California. 

Anyway, after almost two whole summers of being "Angela California", a few of us decided it would be fun to change our point of origin.  It was fun for a while being from Illinois.  It was good that I picked somewhere I had actually been and knew a little about because some people seemed very interested in just exactly where I was from.  I had just enough knowledge to fake my way through questioning.  However, I must be a horrible liar because I started to feel guilty for lying about something that really made no difference.  After that, I changed my location, not only back to California, but specifically to Georgetown.  Not only did that make for a few interesting conversations with people who actually knew where my town was, but it also helped streamline the questioning process down from "Where in California are you from?" and me having to explain that I lived up North near Sacramento up in the foothills etc... Instead they would ask "Where's Georgetown?" and I would say "Near Sacramento" and that was it. 

When you work in a place where you get asked the same 5 or 6 questions 50 times every day, its nice to be able to cut down or at least streamline a few of your answers. 

Angela

Day Sixteen: Writing

I'm starting to get a big head.  I have people telling me to write everyday.  My sister-in-law said she looks forward to reading my blog.  Of course this may be the result of the crazy weather dumping snow in the mountains causing everyone who's stuck up there to develop cabin fever fueled by the intermittent lack of power that comes about randomly and could go on for days on end.  Bored is what I'm referring to.  There seems to be a lot of that going around lately.  I'm glad that my daily ramblings can provide people with approximately 5 minutes of entertainment. 

I'm starting to feel confident that this exercise is helping me already.  I'm already feeling the urge to write more and this causes me to think creatively every day.  When lent is over, I probably wont write everyday, but it'll be easier to stay in the habit of writing a few times a week.  Maybe I'll even get better at it!  I hear good things about the effect that practice has on skills one wishes to develop.  They say you get more proficient at things the longer you do them. 

Although, I've been sleeping for years and I think I'm getting worse at that.  Maybe if I stopped practicing sleep, I would get better at it.  I mean, who wants to be unconscious for 8 hours a day anyway?  I'm not good at it, perhaps I need to just stop.  I could write instead of sleep.  I could get so much done! 

Something to think about, I guess. 

Angela

Day Fifteen: Pickles

For today's post, I decided to select a picture from my computer and talk about it.  This picture (possibly the worse one taken of me EVER) is of me and Kris eating pickles.  Don't worry, I obtained her permission before using it.  Although she didn't realize until after she agreed what picture I was talking about, but our verbal contract is binding! 

This picture was taken shortly after Kris had gone on a long rant about how I take pictures of nothing and then have a long story that accompanies each one.  For example, I took a picture of my shoes looking disheveled which included a story about how a crazy Polish woman tried to force me to put my shoes on and then chased me around the building because she wanted me to hike Alta Peak with her and a bunch of people. 

Kris claimed that my pictures had barely anything to do with the story (totally not true) but for some reason that inspired us to take a picture of us eating pickles and accompany it with an epic unrelated title.  However, by the time I had transferred the picture to my computer and put it on facebook, both of us had completely forgotten what the story behind this picture was supposed to be.

So, here's what we have left.  A random picture of us eating pickles and a memory of a forgotten epic title.  It's a tribute to our quirky insanity and our collectively crappy memory. 

Krangela

Day Fourteen: Payback

So I believe I've mentioned a few times about a certain someone who has kept me honest in my daily writing of this blog.  Today I re-payed the favor... and paid dearly. 

It started innocent enough.  John suggested that we go to Hooters because we were going to be at the mall and we could call Kayla (for some reason, hanging out with Kayla and Hooters has become synonymous).  Of course, he often suggests that we go out to eat and I just say no without thinking because he gave it up for lent.  For some reason today was different from every other day when he just gives me the sad lip and then goes into the kitchen and makes a sandwich or something.  Today he threw a hissy fit.  It was pretty amusing to watch actually.  He started shouting things like "Jesus would understand!" and "Why am I doing this anyway!  I'm not even Catholic!"

So after the tantrum subsided, we left for the mall.  I thought the fight was over, but apparently he thought I would be easier to convince once I was out of the house.  To sum up the rest of the evening, it was pretty much an endless cycle of this...

Me: No....

John: *sigh* I hate you.  I love you.  I'm sorry, I'll stop whining... 

(whining begins 5 minutes later)

Now you might be thinking this blog post is payback to John for whining about lent all day but it's not.  He's actually the one who suggested I write about this, probably as a form of semi-self-inflicted punishment to make up for him being difficult.  Thank God he's not addicted to crack.  I wouldn't have a moments peace. 

Angela

Day Thirteen: Van

There's a van that comes through our neighborhood everyday.  It looks creepy and suspicious and it sells ice cream.  I can tell, not because it says "Ice Cream" on the side (which it doesn't), but because it plays jingly kids music typical of ice cream trucks.  I have deemed it the "Rape Van" because I think it is a ploy to rape people.  John disagrees because he says people don't want to pay to get raped.  He says if it was truly a rape van, it would say "Free Ice Cream".  I personally don't believe there's any ice cream in that van at all.  I've never seen anyone buying anything from it which leads me to believe there's no extremely dim-witted people in this neighborhood.  I don't know if it's necessary to warn people about the rape van because its so off putting in itself, but if you happen to see it, just back away.  You can buy your ice cream somewhere else. 

There is a small possibility that the rape van is in cahoots with the rape mall located in Edwardsville, IL.  Kris and I ventured there with Tommy a few years back.  I'm not sure what we were searching for, but we found ourselves in the midst of a creepy looking mall that was all but abandoned.  Tommy commented that it looked like a good place to get raped and Kris and I suddenly realized how lucky we were to have a man there to protect us. 

However, it is not very likely that the rape van is in league with that particular rape mall because that is a long way to drive and even evil gets lazy.  It is more likely that it is connected with some local rape mall that I have yet to discover.  So be careful out there.  When going to new, uncharted malls, be sure to bring a man for protection. 

Day Twelve: Rainbow

"Let me get this straight, ma'am, you rear-ended this vehicle which was stopped at a stop light because you saw a rainbow?"

"No, officer, that's ridiculous.  I was LOOKING for a rainbow.  It didn't actually appear until about a minute after the accident."

This is the scenario that probably came very close to happening as I desperately looked out of all the windows of my car to catch a glimpse of the elusive rainbow that I knew was hiding in the clouds somewhere.  But let me start from the beginning (less than 5 minutes earlier). 

I was driving home from the first day of a 5 week discipleship class at The Table UMC.  It had been pouring rain, dumping rain, sprinkling rain, and steady even tempered raining in about 5 minute cycles for past two hours or so.  I say this because I was adjusting the tempo of windshield wipers approximately every minute during the drive.  I was turning off on my exit when I noticed the rain had stopped and there was a strange glow in the sky off to the right which was the direction I was headed.  I then realized the sun was setting and this is the first time I had seen it all day.  And suddenly it dawned on me...

OH MY GOD, OH MY GOD, OH MY GOD!  There's a rainbow around here somewhere!  There's sunshine!  And rain!  I have to find this rainbow RIGHT NOW!  I then began searching frantically for what I KNEW should be right there in the sky.  But I couldn't find it.  I guess I was convinced that I wasn't searching hard enough because I continued to look out each side of the car hoping it would suddenly appear. 

I was just about to give up.  I was already beginning to form an angry rant in my head to recite to John when I got home about how I was cheated out of seeing a rainbow and knew it should have been there somewhere. 

But then, as I turned unto a new street, there it was.  It was a complete half circle.  It was everything I had dreamed a rainbow could be.  I continued to watch the rainbow as I completed my drive and even stood in the rain for about 30 seconds admiring the rainbow once I had gotten out of the car. 

Thankfully I did not cause an accident in my search for the rainbow.  While explaining the situation to a cop might sound hilarious on paper, I don't imagine it would be very pleasant in actuality.  I probably would have made something up to save face and then offended the rainbow and it would have taken vengeance on me by never allowing me to see it again.  Or worse, it could have said "No, its okay, I understand" while looking down at its feet in a heartbreaking gesture and makes you feel like the worst human being on earth for hurting its feelings.  Thankfully I avoided all that.  This story has a happy ending which is: I saw a rainbow. 

Angela

Day Eleven: Greenville

I've been thinking a lot about Greenville lately.  I was imagining what it was like just to be there, walking around campus.  The first day I was in the town of Greenville, it was late summer and there was a very distinctive smell of moisture and old wood.  I've never smelled anything quite like it anywhere else.  Of course, it only smells that way during the humid months of the year, but whenever I smell anything close to that, it reminds me of Greenville. 

It's sad to think that I might never see my college dorm, Hoiles, again.  Of course I plan on visiting in the future, but if I wait too long, it will be torn down. 

What is it about places that cause us to have such strong feelings about them?  It's like certain places hold this magical power that just makes us feel peaceful and calm.  I felt that way the moment I got there.  Perhaps it was all the old buildings.  They just feel strong and genuine.  They have their own personality.  To tear down Hoiles is like tearing down a person.  I mean, it's had a long happy life filled with families and college students, but it's still sad.  I love that house. 

Angela

Day Ten: Paranoia

"Then I realized that I was sitting in a Safeway parking lot, consumed by anxiety over whether some fictional being that grants wishes was going to screw me out of my wish through a technical loophole involving death, brain damage or prolonged unconsciousness.  It made me feel slightly uncomfortable that I'm the person making all the decisions about my life." -Hyperbole and a half, shooting star. 


I read this quote from a blog I frequent ( http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com ) and it just really spoke to me.  I don't know about everyone else, but it is really scary to me that I'm the one making the decisions in my life.  While I realized there are many things that are beyond my control, it's kind of scary the amount of things I do have control over and the amount of ways I could potentially screw them up.  


I'm actually almost completely shocked at how well things are turning out so far.  I mean, I flew 2/3rds of the way across this country to attend a college I had never visited, away from everything and everyone I had ever known.  That could have been a complete disaster.  The school could have been horrible, the people could have been mean, and I may have given up on college altogether.  But it was amazing and I came out a better person.  


Also, like the author of this quote, I often feel extremely paranoid about things.  I never allow paranoia to affect my behavior, but it seems like every time someone in my life acts a little weird, there's some epic scenario that pops into my head about what they could possibly be up to.  I'm too embarrassed to actually list them here.  


I'd like to say thank you to the author of this quote for making my craziness seem a little more normal.  


Also I'd like to thank John for keeping me honest... again.  I love you.  


Angela

Day Nine: My Limited Knowledge

I'd just like to say, I don't know that much about St. Patrick's day.  It's the day when everyone wears green (check) and when you get older, it's the day everyone wears green and gets drunk.  I'm pretty sure I've only done that once.  I was spending spring break at the residence of my heterosexual life mate, Miss Riedelsperger, and Runyon came over and got drunk with us.  It was fun times. 

I probably have some repressed childhood memory of being told the story of St. Patrick because I used to be Catholic after all.... and Irish.  Although, I'm still at least partially Irish as far as I know.  It's probably not so much repressed as fallen victim to my horrible memory.  Either way, I don't remember what he's all about.  If I use my superior skills of deduction, I can tell you that he is a Saint.... and most likely Catholic because Protestants don't really have a tradition of sainting people they have scientifically proven to be holier than the general population.  They also don't have a habit of naming their kids "Saint" so we can rule that out. 

That concludes the extent of my knowledge about St. Patrick.  I suppose I could take about 10 minutes to find out, but that would take all the fun out of explaining how little I know.  I don't want to give off the false impression that I'm an expert on every subject.  I know that comes as a huge blow to many of you who think I'm some sort of walking encyclopedia.  You are wrong.  I am not. 

Speaking of saints, one of my favorite saints is Thomas Aquinas.  He's the patron saint of scholars.  Besides his last name sounds really cool.  I think people like to believe their motives are pure and reasonable, but I'm pretty sure we are often swayed by cool names and a nicely turned phrase (however meaningless it may be). 

Anyway... Happy St. Patrick's day.  Maybe I'll go learn about it now. 

Angela

Day Eight: My Conscience

I've discovered that writing something everyday, however short it may be, is pretty difficult.  Unlike merely avoiding a particular food or activity, I have to make a conscience decision every day to sit in front of my computer, think of a topic, and write some words about it.

Today I really didn't want to write.  I've been in somewhat of a bad mood ever since I woke up this morning.  I was preoccupied with filling out an application while talking to a very important friend.  I had put my computer away and was prepared to relax with John for the rest of the evening when I remembered I hadn't posted today.  My bad mood took over and I was overly upset with my predicament.  I really wanted to stick to this commitment I made, but I was feeling completely uninspired and unwilling to sit in front of my computer again.

Then my conscience stepped in.  His name is John.  He took it upon himself to assume the role of pushy accountability partner (of which Kris fulfilled yesterday) a position that I had filled for him only yesterday when he really wanted to break his lent promise of not going out to eat.  Like any good girlfriend, I guilt tripped him out of it and he has kept his lent promise.

So today he made me keep mine.  He used his superior reasoning skills to convince me I needed to do this and then suggested I use this current situation to write about.  He then proceeded to lift me up into the superman position a few times, which is scary as hell.  I don't understand why babies enjoy it so much.  Or kids for that matter.  Perhaps their enjoyment comes before they have an appropriate fear of gravity. 

So, this post is brought to you by John.... and probably a few other posts down the road.

Angela

Figure 1: My Conscience

Day Seven: I'm Religious

I was listening to a podcast today from The Table UMC about the growing trend of people who identify themselves as "spiritual" but not "religious".  The pastor, Matt, was using Anne Rice as an example of someone who became disgusted with Christianity and decidedly left the church but still follows Jesus. 

Now ever since reading The Witching Hour series and subsequently the vampire chronicles up through Tale of the Body Thief, I have fallen in love with Anne Rice.  She wrote these before she even joined the church but the religious themes in them speak to me on such a basic level of my being.  I feel like she gets it and she has a lot of amazing things to say to not only the modern christian, but the modern human in any walk of life. 

I was just thinking about how I used to feel like the church was unchangeable.  I used to think the church had these set of rules to follow and this whole belief system that was set in stone.  We as followers were just supposed to accept the structure that was in place  and if we didn't like it, then Christianity was not for us. 

I feel this way about the government too.  It just seems too big to change.  Giant corporations seem too big to change.  Everything in our world is so big and so unyielding to change.  Of course this isn't true; things change all the time.  People make things happen.  Giant companies are started by one visionary. 

I believe this is happening in our church today.  A lot of Christians don't appreciate the old narrative of what we are and how we should act, being judgmental and close-minded.  It seems the terms of large scale Christianity is that we continue to perpetuate old ideas of morality and sexuality that just don't make sense to this culture. 

My point is just this: We can change it.  We are changing it.  There have been many revolutions in the history of our faith tradition and it continued to thrive.  We will successfully change the narrative of Christianity and hundreds of years down the road, new generations will change it again.  What is a structure without people?  Nothing is unchangeable.  Christianity is ours.  Jesus gave his words, his wisdom to us.  Religion was never supposed to be so unyielding. 

So, I am spiritual AND religious.  Our church is changing and I'm going to be there to see it happen. 

Angela

Day Six: 6 Months

Today it has been 6 months since I started dating John.  This is longer than all my previous relationships combined.  Needless to say, it has been a huge learning experience for me.  It has shaken the very foundation of my identity.  It has been scary, exciting, comfortable, and very therapeutic. 

I used to be so impatient to find the right person.  I was convinced God was keeping him from me just to test my patience... which he might have been.  I don't think I succeeded in waiting patiently.  I may have kept a calm exterior, but inside I was buzzing with annoyance.  I'm glad I made it.  He was definitely worth the wait. 

I guess this gives me confidence that someday my career will follow suit.  Just like I began to doubt whether the right person would ever show up in my life, I also doubt whether I'll ever find a good job or finish the education I need to get a good job.  If my previous success has been any indication, this will definitely happen for me, however, sometimes its difficult to stay hopeful.  But just like I trusted God and I was eventually blessed to find John, I trust that I will find rewarding work as well. 

I dedicate this post to John: the love of my life. 

Angela

Day Five: With a Little Help From My Friend

Today I turned to a friend to help me write my blog post.  For easy identity purposes I shall refer to him as Beat, although in real life his name is Chris (one of the five million or so that I know).  So a lot of this blog post will reference Beat's fine wisdom and suggestions about how I should conduct my literary energy.  I didn't feel like writing anything when I sat down at my computer today.  I spent a lot of energy this morning fighting to not go to church after I lost an hour last night.  After fighting so hard to stay home so that I could sleep, I didn't actually go back to sleep until about 5 in the afternoon and whenever I take a nap that late in the day, I often feel useless for hours afterward.  The combination of morning Angela mixed with 7pm Angela does not make for a pleasant combination.  My inner self wants to be grumpy and annoyed because I just woke up, but my conscious mind realizes that this is not the time of day I'm supposed to be mean to people. 


Anyway, I turned to my friend Beat for help.  Here are some excerpts from our conversation.

Beat:

Okay well obviously you need to write something.  Something awesome.  

First of all, you need to link me to your blog so I can tell you how awesome your words are   and bookmark it for future awesome words

I did.

Beat:

First of all you should eat more Ice Cream because Ice cream is so tasty

Secondly you should write about Me because I once rocked so hard a man died. 

Thirdly you shouldn't do that because that was a lie

 Forthly you should go here 

http://eopoint.squarespace.com/ 

Because we are back in action motherfuckers

Number five must have been deemed unfit for human consumption because it does not appear on this list, our original conversation, or even in the imagination of Beat himself.  Number six was a question as to the most important activity I did today which I have already discussed in the opening paragraph of this blog.  And this is when the conversation gets (more) interesting. 

Beat:

Also write about lasers 

And why they're always red

Like straberries    

NO WAIT

Just fucking post this chatlog and put your comments on it. 

Like Indent the chatlog so people know they're reading a chatlog and then like, 

don't indent your added comments like "I don't know what the fuck Beat thinks he's talking about here"/ 

Because clearly he has no clue.

Obviously I didn't master the indent function, but I have highlighted Beat's text for easy reference.  So, lasers are red like strawberries.  I doubt very much that it is a coincidence that they are the same color.  It is more likely that both are on the exact same frequency of awesome and therefore must occupy the same wavelength in the light spectrum.   They are awesome in wildly different ways (strawberries are tasty and lasers are deadly) but the amount of awesomeness is exactly equal to each other.  This does not mean all things red are as awesome as strawberries and lasers.  That is a truly silly idea to consider.  It's perfectly logical, but logic is not something belongs on the wavelength of red awesomeness.  


So, after stating my intention to Beat to use his idea of writing about our idea making conversation, I told him he was very helpful.  This was his reply.


Beat:

Everything I do helps everybody forever.

I once helped a man so hard he was reduced to a smoldering crater.

I told him I was quoting him, he said it was cool, I began my blog, and then he disappeared into the wide internet oblivion.  Probably off to help some other poor soul who doesn't feel like writing but has promised themselves they would.  I'm sure there are plenty such creatures wandering around the internet. 

I dedicate this post to Beat: the helper of creative minds. 

Angela

Day Four: Slinky

The Slinky is the most amazing thing created ever.  The sole purpose of the slinky is to make the human race happy.  It's almost as if God looked down one day, saw that we were unhappy, and then created slinkies.  Not only is the slinky an amazingly fun object, it is also a very effective thinking tool.  Whenever I can't think, I play with the slinky for about two seconds and then practically throw it across the room in my attempt to merely set it down quickly and begin typing.  It's like there's a whole universe of ideas hidden among its many tightly wrapped coils. 

If only I could use the raw creative power of the slinky to do something truly amazing like fix the economy, create an almost magical like energy source, or even create a type of alcohol that gets you drunk but will never make you sick (bachelor parties would never be the same).  But instead I am using the pure metal awesomeness of the slinky to come up with words to put on the internet.  These words aren't even that inspiring either.  The most good they will do is to inspire some hopeful to go out and buy a slinky to inspire them to do something amazing and within 10 minutes of playing with it will discover how full of crap I am.  That is because the slinky does not work the same for all people.  It's kind of like that hidden door in Harry Potter, different things for different people.  The slinky will be what you need it to be. 

I guess that means we don't need a good economy or an alcohol that doesn't make you sick because the slinky would have inspired someone to create it by now.  Or perhaps I'm just giving the slinky too much credit.... but I doubt it. 

Angela

Day Three: Fiction

I discovered something while I was writing yesterday.  I really prefer writing fiction.  I mean its so much easier to write about things that aren't actually going on.  That way when people are reading them and thinking their thoughts about what your saying, its not really about you.  If they don't like something that you wrote about, its easier not to take it personally if there none of you as a person in it.

Besides there's so much more to write about if its fiction.  There's only so much you can say about yourself.  I can only write about so many experiences I've had or things I've done or even thoughts that I've had, but if you venture into the realm of fiction, the possibilities are endless.  Did I ever travel to a distant planet and start a war with a race of nine legged spiders?  No, but I wrote about it.  I created that situation in my head and them put it down on a figurative paper.  I made those spiders a real threat to life on our home planet.

I only have so much profoundness inside of me but I can make things up all day long.  I don't, but if I was determined enough, I probably could.  So that's why I prefer fiction and that's why this blog will probably end up being at least 90% fiction.  So don't get confused and think I personally prevented intergalactic war.  Not to say I couldn't do it, but it never actually happened.

Angela

Day Two: Showing up

I've learned a valuable lesson in my life about just being present.  I feel like it is my instinctive nature to withdraw from social situations, or any situation for that matter.  Part of this has to do with my introversion, a personality characteristic that causes one to focus energy inward.  However, a big part is that I'm just very anxious about the unknown.  I'm afraid that I won't know the right thing to say, which I often don't, and thus feel anxious about participating in things I'm not already comfortable doing.  Even now I tend to over think everything I'm writing about because I'm afraid of letting a genuine piece of myself open for the public to scrutinize. 

Now if I had allowed this part of me to control my life completely, you can probably imagine where I would be today. I would never have learned to drive (very intimidating especially when you learn on a manual), I would never have flown three quarters of the way across the country to attend college, and I probably would never have taken the opportunity to work in a national park for the summer where I met a lot of fascinating internationals.  I have now spent three such summers in Sequoia National Park and have never ceased meeting some truely amazing people. 

It was during my time at Greenville College that I came to understand the value of showing up.  I realized while I was there that I had a tendancy to avoid new people and new situations and being 2,000 miles from home, new was pretty much the only option.  Although the majority of students were from the state of Illinois, everyone was pretty much in the same boat that I was.  I'm not sure exactly when my attitude changed but I decided that when opportunities for new social activities arose, my default answer would be "YES!"  I began to just be present for anything that arose.  There were concerts, bible studies, midnight theater trips, or even just hanging out with new people at the student union.  I even started showering in the morning because there about a 50% chance something fun was going on in the later hours of the day. 

I have tried my hardest to mantain this attitude after college.  It's more difficult when I go places on my own.  I still feel awkward.  I still don't know what to say, how to act, or what to do but I don't allow it to stop me from being present.  Sometimes these feelings go away within the first 10 minutes (rare) and sometimes they last well after I've already left but I just can't help but think it gets a little better every time.  Maybe, just maybe, I'm learning how to be a functional social being and it's all because I made a conscious decision to be present.  Hopefully I'll get there someday. 

Angela

Day One: Professing Ambition

I have been in the habit for a number of years now of participating in the season of lent.  I guess you can say it's a tradition that I inherited from my parents but I have found value in it and thus continued practicing on my own.  I have always given up things for lent such as the internet (very difficult), television, and sweets. 

I have decided this year that I am going to try the positive approach to lent instead.  I have created this blog and it is my intention to write in it every day for 40 days. My writing might not always be profound or even religious, but it is my goal to put something on a page daily that is coherent enough to share with the online community.  I am hoping with this exercise I can stay in the habit of writing and perhaps even be inspired to write more.  I know that I have the spirit (and sometimes the skill) of a writer and I need to focus my energy and good intentions into something tangible. 

Also for lent, I plan on reading the psalms daily and spending more time in prayer.  Sometimes I forget the value of prayer and it falls out of my routine so I'm hoping this will help integrate prayer into my life more fully. 

These are my goals.  Hopefully this leads to something good. 

Angela