Monday, March 21, 2011

Day Thirteen: Van

There's a van that comes through our neighborhood everyday.  It looks creepy and suspicious and it sells ice cream.  I can tell, not because it says "Ice Cream" on the side (which it doesn't), but because it plays jingly kids music typical of ice cream trucks.  I have deemed it the "Rape Van" because I think it is a ploy to rape people.  John disagrees because he says people don't want to pay to get raped.  He says if it was truly a rape van, it would say "Free Ice Cream".  I personally don't believe there's any ice cream in that van at all.  I've never seen anyone buying anything from it which leads me to believe there's no extremely dim-witted people in this neighborhood.  I don't know if it's necessary to warn people about the rape van because its so off putting in itself, but if you happen to see it, just back away.  You can buy your ice cream somewhere else. 

There is a small possibility that the rape van is in cahoots with the rape mall located in Edwardsville, IL.  Kris and I ventured there with Tommy a few years back.  I'm not sure what we were searching for, but we found ourselves in the midst of a creepy looking mall that was all but abandoned.  Tommy commented that it looked like a good place to get raped and Kris and I suddenly realized how lucky we were to have a man there to protect us. 

However, it is not very likely that the rape van is in league with that particular rape mall because that is a long way to drive and even evil gets lazy.  It is more likely that it is connected with some local rape mall that I have yet to discover.  So be careful out there.  When going to new, uncharted malls, be sure to bring a man for protection. 

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